Past Poetic Me And Crabby Claus

It's been a while since I've written some poetry, whether it be good or bad. I've been trying to get back into it lately, but I haven't really had much inspiration or "intense feelings" of any sort to drive me to do so. I remember in my adolescent years when I would write a poem damn near everyday... I filled books and books with poetry. You know those pre-teen years are the hardest, aren't they? So much angst, so little time.

How I looked when I wrote poetry back then. " GAWD, WHY MEEE...."

My old poems used to be about my desires and very emo feelings. They were about what I thought love would be like, what constant unrequited crushes felt like (which brings me to my next one)... whining about never getting the guy, and oh yeah, can't forget not being adequate enough for the parentals. Yeah, that was the gist of it. Except for the last one, that still holds pretty strong. Mehh.

Basically, most of the poems I wrote from back then make me want to slap past-tense me across the face and say "SUCK IT UP, EMOTIONAL WRECK. HORMONE OVERLOAD FOR YOU. You'll grow boobs one day and they'll help you have a slightly better chance in the love department... Ever so slightly. But not really. Sorry about the parents though, nothing to do about that."

I think about writing poems now and I find myself not wanting to write about sappy love or parental angst. That's what's interesting about growing up. What do I want to write about now? You may be thinking this question in your head (or maybe not, but you should be thinking it).

... SANTA CLAUS. That's what I want to write about now. I actually thought of this poem in the shower randomly. True story. My mind works in strange ways.

"Yeah, this poem about Santa Claus is going to be awesome."

My name is Santa Claus.
I have a pretty important job.
I send gifts after the turkey goes gobble gobble gob.
I live with elves.
Scratch that,
I'm a babysitter for elves.
But they're grown little men,
Why can't they take care of themselves?

When December comes around,
I work hard everyday.
It's a hard knock life,
I ain't got no pay.
My pay is cookies.... Milk and cookies.
I've gotten so fat,
Miss Claus won't give me nookie.

My old fat body can't take much more,
Can't fit through the chimney,
I'll have to knock at your door.
And people seem to forget that I'm a carnivore.
Put some meat out there!
I drink so much milk,
that's why I got white hair.

I think I have arthritis,
But I wouldn't know.
We don't have doctors up in the north pole snow.
But whatever.
I'll do it anyways,
Because a little joint swelling won't stop my magic sleigh.

I'm like, "ho ho ho."
My laugh is deep and heavy.
Watch out, Christmas,
'Cause you ain't ready.

Made: November 29, 2012

What better way is there to start off December but with a groggy poem about Old Saint Nicholas? I assure you that the content of this poem is probably better than all of the other poems I've written in the past. I hope you enjoyed it. Happy December, everyone. We'll be bringing in the New Year real soon!

Baby Santa is crabby and cute.

 I dare you to tell me you looked at that baby picture and didn't go, "Aww." 

TELL ME!

Stay Klassy and not Krabby like baby Santa up there...

Kris

Shells, Ice Skating And Thai Food In The City

At the BART station, a guy around his early to mid 20s approached me, my cousin and brother at the platform. He had a shaggy beard, curly blonde hair with a red flannel shirt and many travelling bags stacked on his hiking backpack. We shall call him "Shaggy." My other cousin that I was meeting up with called me to discuss that night's plans. I was still on the phone when Shaggy asked if we could spare a dime, nickel or quarter. Everyone said no except for me. Talking on the phone with one hand, I fumbled, reached into my pocket with my other hand and grabbed two quarters and a dime. I handed the change to him.

"Thank you." Shaggy says nicely. 

"You're welcome." I say, mid-phone conversation. 

Less than a minute later, he comes up to me again and gives me back the dime.

He says, "I don't think I need this much. Thank you." 

I smile and take it back. The shaggy bearded guy approaches me, in less than a minute again.

"Here you go. Thank you." He passes me back the two other quarters. 

Sooo, at this moment I'm thinking that's all the change I gave him so he really just returned the change and he gets nothing in the end. HMMMM...

I  just laugh and say thank you when Shaggy turns around and approaches me again.

"Hey, here's a shell." He says, with a sweet smile on his face. 

I'm still on the phone but I'm surprised by the token.

"Thank you! A shell! That's so sweet." 

It was so nice.  Now, I'm wondering where the hell this shell is from? Shaggy looked like a traveller (either that or homeless... maybe both, who knows), so it could be from anywhere really. Hmmm, I'd like to imagine that Shaggy recently travelled to Hawaii or the Caribbean and that's where it's from. And does anyone remember that episode of That's So Raven when she accepted a shell from a guy from a foreign country and in his culture, the shell was part of a proposal to marry him?
If that dude just proposed to me, then I guess we're engaged because this shell is lovely. Jaykay, gurl. But it really is nice.

All jokes aside, Why can't people be like this more often? Giving people change and receiving a pretty shell in return... If more people did that, the world would be a nicer place because I can say that the small gesture did make me feel happier. Feeling happier made the rest of my night more fun as well.

Small gestures = big impact.

We met up with my cousins and her boyfriend. We went straight at this place called King of Thai Noodle. Walking in, the first thing I noticed were purple walls with minimal decor and plain silver seating furniture. The ambience of this restaurant was very dry and stale, kind of like a cafeteria painted purple. The wait for our party of six was about 10 minutes and we were seated in the upstairs area.

Purple walls and art work

EVALU-EATIN': Looks like it's time for a restaurant review!

We ordered two orders of pad thai, Kao Prik Sod (sauteed beef with vegetables), chicken satay, Thai-style fried rice with pork and Thai iced teas. The food was not very good. I've definitely had better. Their portions at this restaurant were also pretty small even though all of the orders were a la carte. The chicken satay was in small portions, was dry and overcooked. The pad thai did not deliver in flavor. It also didn't come with the usual lime to mix into it (I LOVE MY LIME... I was throughly disappointed). The Thai-style fried rice was actually very good. The sauteed beef was flavorful, was soaked in lots of sauce and was cooked well.

Chicken satay, pad thai, Thai-style fried rice and a Thai iced tea

 I always try the Thai teas whenever I go to new Thai places. The quality of their Thai tea is what really interests me when it comes to Thai restaurants. It's such a basic beverage that's on every Thai restaurant menu but finds a way to have their own unique taste at every restaurant. It's kind of like searching for the perfect burger at different fast food joints, but instead, it's searching for the tastiest Thai iced tea. Their Thai tea was really good, I think that was my favorite part of the whole meal. My youngest cousin asked what I'd rate the place and i told him I'd give it a 6 out of 10.
After dinner, we decided on ice skating at Union Square. I must say that I was pretty uneasy about skating since I don't really know how to and because of my fear of falling on my ass... but we ended up having a blast!

Things I Learned When Ice Skating at Union Square:

• When my brother skates, he moves his arms like he's swimming through water. Very fun to watch.
• My youngest cousin is bad at ice skating. He fell on his ass several times and later complained of his ass hurting later that night. LOLLL.
• My cousin's boyfriend is a good skater. 
• My cousin that didn't know how to skate at all ended up being a good skater. 
• Boys and younger guys get excited and/or try to show off and end up trying to skate really fast even though they don't even know how to skate properly. 
• Boys and younger guys tend to be the ones who fall on their ass while ice skating. 
• I almost fell and my cousin saved me, so I think we're a pretty good team.

 I always feel like a baby learning to walk when I try to ice skate. I also dislike when people are great skaters and zoom past you like Apolo Ohno and I'm looking like I just shat my pants on the ice. I suppose old people that walk slower feel this way all the time. Life for them must be a constant ice skating rink where they are being overtaken by a ton of Apollo Ohnos.

Damn you, Apolo Ohno. Damn you.

We ended the night by taking photos in a booth and walking around Union Square while everything was closing for the night. We went our separate ways when my cousin and her boyfriend suggested we get off the S.F. streets and hop on BART before the crackheads came out. I was like, "Thanks for the advice. We bouncin'. PEACE." Because my ghetto comes out when I'm in defense mode. Can I just say how much I love my friggin' family? GOOD TIMES.

We really did randomly scream at the same time.

There was a party in that photo booth.

Stay Klassy and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

GOBBLE GOBBLE NOMNOMNOM,

Kris

Zombie Food and Late Night Art

My cousin gave me a piece of candy that she got from a swap on the East Coast that I found to be absolutely intriguing. It's a chocolate novelty treat called, "Zombie Food"by Skybar. I've neither heard of the chocolate's name or whatever Skybar is and anyone that knows me knows that I love to try new foods. Another awesome thing that got me pumped to gobble this is that it's zombie-themed. Again, if you know me... You should know that I love horror movies, the zombie genre being one that is greatly appreciated. So, let's take a peek at the description. In case you can't read the contents from the picture, here it is: "Milk chocolate covered assortment of brains, feet and hearts filled with oozy red caramel."

How disgustingly cute does that sound??? Naturally, I needed to open this thang up. I was so excited that I decided to do a food blog critique and take pictures of my zombie food experience. 

Nom nom nom

The Unwrapping and Presentation:

Upon opening the package, it looks like this:

... It's a heart! I initially assumed the chocolate would be in the shape of a zombie head for some reason.

Taking a bite out of it and splitting it with a knife, the center looked like this:

It's "blood", A.K.A. red-colored caramel. Cuuuuutteeeeee. From the description, I actually thought there would be little body parts combined inside with the caramel but I'm guessing that the chocolate mold is different depending on what kind of organ you get and all are filled with the caramel. 

The Taste:

The milk chocolate is not the best that I've tried. It has a bit of a waxy taste and texture to it, kind of like shortening. Despite the description on the packaging, the red caramel is not oozy. When I think of oozy caramel, I think of those World's Finest chocolate bars filled with caramel. YUM. Those are forrealz oozy. But the red caramel in this was pretty stiff and held up like toothpaste. 

Texture and consistency of the caramel

The caramel had a soft grainy type of texture and didn't really taste like caramel. Can't explain what the caramel tasted like but I can say it did taste creamy.

This treat is definitely not the tastiest thing to eat, it's less focused on the candy's quality and more focused on it being a novelty type thing to buy because it's zombie-themed. Personally, I don't care too much about a fancy looking presentation. As long as whatever I'm eating TASTES good, then I'm completely satisfied.

 I can say it's fun to eat so it'd be great to give to kids. I know I probably would've gone ape for a chocolate treat like this when I was a kid. I did get a kick out of eating this as my current 20 year-old self though. It's such an adorable treat.

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Later on in the night, I was in a drawing mood after browsing through a bunch of art on Pinterest so I decided to whip something up and exercise my creative side. I took two photos: one without flash and one with flash. I used a blue ballpoint pen and a black Sanford T.E.C. Sharpie. Everything is freehand, except for using a pencil to get the proportions correct for her face and going over it with the ballpoint pen.

This is drawn on thick sketching paper from my small spiral sketch book that I received as a gift. This whole piece was drawn within a one hour time span. It's untitled. I wanted to focus on different patterns and details and how to go about incorporating them in one piece.

Without flash

With flash

Stay Klassy,

Kris

Public Bathroom Adventures

Going to public bathrooms is always an interesting experience. This morning, I went to the bathroom before class and a girl wobbled out of the stall because she almost slipped on some water on the ground... Or whatever it was. And she said, "Holy crap I almost died. Today is just not my day, seriously. Oh my gosh. I almost died."

Some first world problems for that poor girl.

So I went into the stall after her, took a seat on the old ivory throne with my shoes inevitably being puddled in the ominous watery death trap. I look around and see that there's some more of that strange liquid sprayed all over the top corner of the stall door. I'm disgusted that it's there and part intrigued about how it even got there. I listen and the chick outside is still moaning about her life because she slipped in some piss water. And right next to me, I hear an airy fart. It's one of those flat-toned farts where you can hear the hollowness of the toilet bowl. So hilarious.

I realize there's a girl next to me taking a deuce like a baus. I say "like a baus" (And yes, I definitely meant to spell it that way. It's a special type of boss level) because it's a busy bathroom. There's girls talking, washing their hands, doing their makeup and hair, etc... It's one thing to shit in an empty bathroom but it's another to shit in a crowded bathroom because you'll be making a whole lot of noises and creating a whole lot of smells that may not be so pretty. The moment you unlatch that stall door, you gotta own up to it. A total stranger is going to walk right into your intimate space where you just shat out of your asshole and most of the time, you'll be making eye contact before they walk in too.

The eye contact... Lindsay Lohan is probably the one who shat.

It's a semi shameful moment, but only if the next person that walks in looks a decent human being and you know that you have to corrupt their nose like that. Naturally, you'd feel bad. BUT, if that person looks like a bitch, I wouldn't feel that bad. I'd be like, "Yeah. You deserve this stall for something bitchy you've done in your life. I know you've done something bitchy, I just know." So that's why I said that girl deuced like a baus. I don't know who she is or what she looks like, but I'd start a slow clap for that girl. You have to have balls to shit in a crowded bathroom. Really, you might as well yell "OH HEY Y'ALL, I JUST SHAT IN HERE REAL QUICK. THAT WAS ME. YEAH, I BLEW UP THAT STALL. HAVE A GOOD DAY."

So, that was my amusing adventure to the bathroom this morning. The moral of the story is that going to the bathroom can be a fun grand time filled with piss related near-death encounters and airy farts. I'm so mature for blogging about this. Hope you all got some sort of entertainment out of this blog.

On a side note, school is back in session for me and I'm zipping my way through San Francisco again, friends. I have to say that this summer was probably the best summer I've had yet. I've kept myself busy knitting, drawing, and doing other fun things that I will definitely post later in their own categorical retrospect. Keep your balls out for them. Your eyeballs, that is.

Good looking out, you good lookin' you.

Stay Klassy,
Kris

Movie Review - Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Story

Kevin Clash. Sounds like someone pretty badass. Never heard of Kevin Clash? Well, have you heard of Elmo? Yeah, that's him. So yes, he is someone pretty badass.

I recently watched a biographical documentary on him called, "Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Story" and after watching it, I have to say that I definitely have a newfound respect for the man that plays Elmo. You never give a second thought about how the person sticking their arm up a muppet's ass is really like.

Elmo looks like he's enjoying that.

It's going to be a little difficult for me to not get slightly sappy when talking about this film because it's just so inspirational and damn it, it'll make you feel good after you watch it. So I apologize in advance if I start sounding like a Disney movie after a while.

SOOO. This man, Kevin Clash, came from a run-down neighborhood in a place called Turner's Station, Maryland. After continuously watching Captain Kangaroo and the Sesame Street when he was a child, he took a strong interest in puppeteering and started making puppets himself. What's funny is that he made his first puppet out of his father's coat, just cut it apart and made a freakin' monkey called "Moandy." What kind of child looks at a fur coat and decides to make a monkey puppet out of it? That is definitely how you know your kid is going to be either awesome or bat-shit bizarre. Kevin Clash turned out being awesome. 

Kevin started making his own puppets and performed shows for children. He gets teased by other boys in school because he "played with dolls" and wasn't playing manly testosterone-filled sports like the rest of them. Hmm... wonder where they are now! And so, he eventually goes off to New York, meets Jim Henson and his childhood dreams come true. Hope that doesn't seem like a spoiler to anybody. OH! And on a side note, Whoopie Goldberg narrates this film as well. But that wasn't a bother, who doesn't like a little Whoopie now and then?

You did not just make that pun, Kris!

Because it was a biographical documentary, I can't really critique any actors or anywhere that the story lacked because it's about someone's life. But I can say that the flow of the film is great. There are lots of visuals and photos to go along with the storytelling narration by Kevin and I really felt like I was being taken on a "journey of success" with the film starting from him as a child all the way to the present.

It was pretty mind boggling to watch Kevin Clash in action. He's a very soft-spoken and he really does seem like a genuine nice and gentle man. Kevin Clash is driven as hell. Throughout the film, it is a pleasure to watch Clash being the knowledge-absorbing sponge that he is. He is constantly wanting to learn and is truly passionate about his job.

I'm gonna give this film a 7.5 out 10. I wouldn't watch it again but I did enjoy watching it and would recommend it to those who haven't seen it. If this film affects you like my brother and I, it'll probably going to make you think about what you wanted to be during your own childhood and wonder what would've happened if you had stayed dedicated to it like Kevin did. Almost everyone has that lost feeling in life about what they want to do or who they're going to be when they grow up. Kevin Clash is one of the lucky ones that knew from the start. 

Things I Learned From This Film:

- The muppets are made of fleece! They must be cozy because I have sweaters with fleece in them and they're great.

- Elmo first started out on Sesame Street talking like a caveman because he was played by Richard Hunt (who didn't enjoy playing Elmo) before Kevin took over.

- ELMO CAN DANCE. Like really well. He dances in the film during an interview and it was probably my favorite part. And so, I think it'll be best to leave you readers with the most excellent moves of NPH and Elmo himself (A.K.A. Kevin Clash's hands).

Stay Klassy and $a$$y,

Kris

Let's also make this a little celebration dance for my first movie review! HAYYY.

Golly

 This is great. Finally, I've created this blog that I've been thinking about having for a while. How does one start a blog? I have no idea, so I guess I'll just introduce myself. This will be weird. I'll try my hardest to not sound like I'm advertising myself on eHarmony.

My name is Kris and I'm 19 years old. I'm currently a college student that wants to be a makeup artist, but like all young folk, I'm still pretty lost and fickle. My blogspot name is "kriskerfuffle" because:

1) Ma name is Kris. WHAT UP.

2) I first heard the word "kerfuffle" from my politics professor last semester, and he's an extremely sophisticated dude. So naturally, the way he used it was super sophisticated(of course). I immediately scribbled the word down on my notebook and looked up the definition. Dictionary.com definition:

kerfuffle , carfuffle or kurfuffle  (kəˈfʌf ə l)
— n
	1. informal chiefly  ( Brit ) commotion; disorder; agitation Awesome word, awesome definition. And it starts with a "K." A very minuscule characteristic to some, but not for me, who's name starts with a "K." Not many cool words start with the letter "K," I learned this in elementary school when we had to do this horrible ice breaker. We had to go around the room introducing our names with an alliterating word that supposedly described us. So there were lots of easy ones like "Amazing Alex" and "Beautiful Britney." But it was horrible for me, especially if there was another "K" in the class because that means that they'd get to an obvious "K" word first. The only one I could think of at the time was the word "kind." I even resorted to using "crazy" with a "K" because a young girl like me couldn't think of anymore "K" words. Yep, it was a difficult childhood... Just kidding. But talk about first world problems! ANYWAY. This word will pretty much define my blog. My blog isn't going to be anything specific. It's not going to be a knitting blog, a movie blog,  food blog, or a beauty blog... It's going to be ALL OF THOSE THINGS and more. Hopefully. So if you like what you're reading, I hope you can follow along. That'd be great. Stay "K"lassy, Kris P.S. And my title! My title is a reference to the movie Good Will Hunting. I just watched that movie a couple of weeks ago and LOVED IT. It's now one of my favorite movies, seriously. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, you guys are not human. Here is the quote from GWH... Enjoy. Skylar: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?

 Will: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels. 
 Skylar: What? 
 Will: When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee. 
 Skylar: [laughs] Okay, sounds good.