Going to public bathrooms is always an interesting experience. This morning, I went to the bathroom before class and a girl wobbled out of the stall because she almost slipped on some water on the ground... Or whatever it was. And she said, "Holy crap I almost died. Today is just not my day, seriously. Oh my gosh. I almost died."
So I went into the stall after her, took a seat on the old ivory throne with my shoes inevitably being puddled in the ominous watery death trap. I look around and see that there's some more of that strange liquid sprayed all over the top corner of the stall door. I'm disgusted that it's there and part intrigued about how it even got there. I listen and the chick outside is still moaning about her life because she slipped in some piss water. And right next to me, I hear an airy fart. It's one of those flat-toned farts where you can hear the hollowness of the toilet bowl. So hilarious.
I realize there's a girl next to me taking a deuce like a baus. I say "like a baus" (And yes, I definitely meant to spell it that way. It's a special type of boss level) because it's a busy bathroom. There's girls talking, washing their hands, doing their makeup and hair, etc... It's one thing to shit in an empty bathroom but it's another to shit in a crowded bathroom because you'll be making a whole lot of noises and creating a whole lot of smells that may not be so pretty. The moment you unlatch that stall door, you gotta own up to it. A total stranger is going to walk right into your intimate space where you just shat out of your asshole and most of the time, you'll be making eye contact before they walk in too.
It's a semi shameful moment, but only if the next person that walks in looks a decent human being and you know that you have to corrupt their nose like that. Naturally, you'd feel bad. BUT, if that person looks like a bitch, I wouldn't feel that bad. I'd be like, "Yeah. You deserve this stall for something bitchy you've done in your life. I know you've done something bitchy, I just know." So that's why I said that girl deuced like a baus. I don't know who she is or what she looks like, but I'd start a slow clap for that girl. You have to have balls to shit in a crowded bathroom. Really, you might as well yell "OH HEY Y'ALL, I JUST SHAT IN HERE REAL QUICK. THAT WAS ME. YEAH, I BLEW UP THAT STALL. HAVE A GOOD DAY."
So, that was my amusing adventure to the bathroom this morning. The moral of the story is that going to the bathroom can be a fun grand time filled with piss related near-death encounters and airy farts. I'm so mature for blogging about this. Hope you all got some sort of entertainment out of this blog.
On a side note, school is back in session for me and I'm zipping my way through San Francisco again, friends. I have to say that this summer was probably the best summer I've had yet. I've kept myself busy knitting, drawing, and doing other fun things that I will definitely post later in their own categorical retrospect. Keep your balls out for them. Your eyeballs, that is.
Good looking out, you good lookin' you.
Stay Klassy,
Kris
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| Some first world problems for that poor girl. |
I realize there's a girl next to me taking a deuce like a baus. I say "like a baus" (And yes, I definitely meant to spell it that way. It's a special type of boss level) because it's a busy bathroom. There's girls talking, washing their hands, doing their makeup and hair, etc... It's one thing to shit in an empty bathroom but it's another to shit in a crowded bathroom because you'll be making a whole lot of noises and creating a whole lot of smells that may not be so pretty. The moment you unlatch that stall door, you gotta own up to it. A total stranger is going to walk right into your intimate space where you just shat out of your asshole and most of the time, you'll be making eye contact before they walk in too.
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| The eye contact... Lindsay Lohan is probably the one who shat. |
So, that was my amusing adventure to the bathroom this morning. The moral of the story is that going to the bathroom can be a fun grand time filled with piss related near-death encounters and airy farts. I'm so mature for blogging about this. Hope you all got some sort of entertainment out of this blog.
On a side note, school is back in session for me and I'm zipping my way through San Francisco again, friends. I have to say that this summer was probably the best summer I've had yet. I've kept myself busy knitting, drawing, and doing other fun things that I will definitely post later in their own categorical retrospect. Keep your balls out for them. Your eyeballs, that is.
Good looking out, you good lookin' you.
Stay Klassy,
Kris
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